Like grass growing inside the cracks of a concrete sidewalk, the séance to bring Judy back was to happen the very next night after Neurotic Writer dreamt about her. It had to be done and must be must done in order to bring her back. It was a few days since Judy’s disappearance. NW tossed and turned in bed dreaming of things that he didn’t like to think about, much less have a nightmare about them. Certain fears settled into his subconscious. He wondered about his mortality, the fact that he missed his Judy and she wasn’t in his life. He loved her from afar not really knowing his true feelings for her. At times, it confused him in that he felt great lust for her as an object of femininity when she did her housework topless around his house. There were many times he wanted to mount her from behind as if he could make Judy his own. This intense desire for her as a woman threw his emotions in a tailspin not knowing how to express his need for her as an intimate partner. Paralyzing terror moved into his soul and heart settling on his body as a compulsion. He didn’t know what to make of his dream. It perplexed him the entire day he made preparations for the séance. He headed to the Bull’s Eye Store to purchase a few items he needed.
There the paparazzi waited for him knowing every step he took before he knew he was to take one. It baffled him as the string of camera flashes blinded him slightly; he would gently stop and pose as if he knew his image would be on the front cover of a tabloid. Neurotic Writer looked in the housewares section for a crystal ball he thought his new found psychic friend might be able to use in the séance. He found a clear glass dome used as a flower vase container that might be usable. NW debated between that and a fish bowl and opted for the vase. He didn’t have very much belief in the hocus pocus of his own spirituality and acted as if he did believe giving every superstition, belief a benefit of a doubt.
Neurotic Writer walked to the grocery section of the Bull’s Eyes Store to retrieve refreshments and a few snack items for his guests to munch on at the séance. It was a big deal for him undertaking all the preparations for this one time event. He pushed the red plastic shopping cart as he spotted the paparazzi moving down the aisles to catch another image of this famous celebrity writer. People in the store looked at him thinking he was out of his mind since there actually wasn’t any paparazzi only the customers like him shopping. Everything in Neurotic Writer’s mind somehow partially transferred into reality. To him it was real. He thought if other people believed in space aliens, why could he have his own reality fantasy. Neurotic Writer could see the paparazzi and the flashes of their cameras actually really happen, somehow everything in his mind precisely fit into the reality of the real world, except people could not see what he could. NW didn’t know if his mind was lying to him or if he was lying to himself.
The lines of reality and those of his relationship with Judy were actually blurred. He didn’t know if Judy was entirely honest with herself about her need to be with NW. It left him heart broken when she left. Neurotic Writer sent an email into cyberspace hoping it would catch up to her to wish her a happy birthday. He cried as he read previous emails they had exchanged wondering what he had done to drive her away. He received an email calling him cowboy and what a pleasant surprise it was to get the message from him. She hoped all was going well with NW and his artistic endeavors. Neurotic Writer sent a response that things were good and his work was going fantastic. He asked how things were with Judy and if she had forgiven him.
Judy never answered back. Neurotic Writer felt very depressed as the days turned in weeks, the long deep cut in his heart heal into an invisible scar.
Tags: compulsion, concrete, crack, doubt, dream, emotion, grass, hocus pocus, housework, inimate, mortality, mount, paparazzi, preparation, séance, sidewalk, spirituality, subconscious
